to the torontonian tribunal of trustees
thank you for 26 years of good luck. i managed not to get myself killed, and you are to thank.
to the special few who will ever read this, let me update you on my life
I'm moving to Halifax. The crazies at Dalhousie let me in! So I'm taking me, the kids, and my furniture to a pink house I've located in the heart of the city of Halifax. Its fucking beautiful.
The government rules! You know something? It's really easy to be anti-government. It's the easiest thing in the world, in fact. But it's pretty hard not to love the government when they give you free money! That's right folks, all you need to do is risk throwing yourself into a $50,000 deep hole and the government is all up in your business giving you cash they don't expect back.
Cottage Country Cleans Souls To my saddest readers who have not ventured north of the city once this sweltering summer, I give you no pity. You surely must hate yourself if you would force yourself to stay in this sun basket of a city. Swimming in a lake is the second best thing I've done this summer.
------------------------------------
Moving away is a very surreal thing. I'm thrilled and scared about it. I am jack's highest high's and lowest lows.
Not to sound too dramatic at all, but there's a tremendous part of me that feels like I've been dead for a while, that I died when I got my acceptance letter, and I've been living in Limboland, waiting to leave Toronto. Waiting for the move to resuscitate me, for the atlantic to breath some fresh air into these toxic lungs.
I planned to be a caretaker to my life, to nurse the damaged past, and to leave nothing undone. I embodied my own lack of forward progress as I busied myself with things that had been and gone. I sought to start nothing new.
It's these inspired moments that dawn some light on exactly how little I know about the Universe and her ways, and how foolishly I pursue obviously fruitless endeavors.
...but I always snap out of it.
Let the loose ends dangle and forget the past, we all have one, and chances are some of it sucks.
----------------------------------------------------------------
To the late arrival, you know who you are. I didn't expect you but you brought me that life I thought the atlantic would. I'll miss you when I'm gone.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
hey, ma!
you. you always knew how to make me feel like a kid. rarely do i feel sheepish, but around you, im all thumbs and sixes. my sly smile disappears, and im in check.
its a shame i push you away.
its been a while, my bouncing blogging baby. i miss you. and as i sit here, cradling you in my arms, im overwhelmed with the joy of knowing you're here. (even when im not)
life happens to us all in strange ways.
my sister said something about covering all the bases today. not possible, ive decided.
since i last wrote here, i suddenly decided the best thing to do was to go to school. not because i feel like i have something to learn, and not because i want to party... maybe im running away, its arguable. as far as im concerned though, i just want to be able to make music without needing to work. this is the best way.
so this process of applying to music school has been nothing but jumping through hoops. and ive performed exquisitely. but there is this one, small yet tremendous problem that has reared its head today: my college transcript.
enter, one very upset fellow. to say my transcript is dismal is to sugar coat diarrhea poop. and so, despite the fact that i crushed my musical theory entrance test, aced the hearing test, and performed three pieces five grade levels above the required level flawlessly, I am not so confident about my chances of getting in. I've written both my teachers (im a part time student, dontchaknow) and requested some form of endorsement. im sure theyll grant it... I've also written an incredibly honest yet brief cover letter as an introduction to this sealed envelope that sits here across from me.. the magnitude of its power, epic. If this envelope contained different letters, i would say with certainty that the course of my life would change drastically come this september. but it doesn't.. 6 incomplete classes. you know what that means? that means if back then, i had an ounce of care about my future, i could have marched into an office and dropped these classes. but i didnt. i think i was high in the school parking lot. or chasing after girls or something. literally the difference in my shite GPA.
but you know something, dear reader? there's a great deal of relief I feel, knowing despite the fact that the Haig from five years ago has strongly hurt present Haig's chances at university (at least for now,) that I have done everything in my power to make this work. There are few things i can say that about. I think i decided i wanted to do the university thing about a week and a half ago. Its alot of work, considering the deadlines. But its been great fun learning how it all works.
its all hoops and doggy tricks people. dont be discouraged.
lets hope i get in!!
its a shame i push you away.
its been a while, my bouncing blogging baby. i miss you. and as i sit here, cradling you in my arms, im overwhelmed with the joy of knowing you're here. (even when im not)
life happens to us all in strange ways.
my sister said something about covering all the bases today. not possible, ive decided.
since i last wrote here, i suddenly decided the best thing to do was to go to school. not because i feel like i have something to learn, and not because i want to party... maybe im running away, its arguable. as far as im concerned though, i just want to be able to make music without needing to work. this is the best way.
so this process of applying to music school has been nothing but jumping through hoops. and ive performed exquisitely. but there is this one, small yet tremendous problem that has reared its head today: my college transcript.
enter, one very upset fellow. to say my transcript is dismal is to sugar coat diarrhea poop. and so, despite the fact that i crushed my musical theory entrance test, aced the hearing test, and performed three pieces five grade levels above the required level flawlessly, I am not so confident about my chances of getting in. I've written both my teachers (im a part time student, dontchaknow) and requested some form of endorsement. im sure theyll grant it... I've also written an incredibly honest yet brief cover letter as an introduction to this sealed envelope that sits here across from me.. the magnitude of its power, epic. If this envelope contained different letters, i would say with certainty that the course of my life would change drastically come this september. but it doesn't.. 6 incomplete classes. you know what that means? that means if back then, i had an ounce of care about my future, i could have marched into an office and dropped these classes. but i didnt. i think i was high in the school parking lot. or chasing after girls or something. literally the difference in my shite GPA.
but you know something, dear reader? there's a great deal of relief I feel, knowing despite the fact that the Haig from five years ago has strongly hurt present Haig's chances at university (at least for now,) that I have done everything in my power to make this work. There are few things i can say that about. I think i decided i wanted to do the university thing about a week and a half ago. Its alot of work, considering the deadlines. But its been great fun learning how it all works.
its all hoops and doggy tricks people. dont be discouraged.
lets hope i get in!!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Canada vs Russia
...about ten minute into this game i had lost all interest and was seeking some sort of distraction. i was at the corner of the bar and she was sitting two people away, almost facing me. her friend got up to smoke, or something, and she patted the empty stool next to her. i sat on it and we spoke for a little while. she told me i was very "charming." she called herself an old dinosaur, though she didn't look it... if anything i thought she had the body of a teenager (despite the lines on her face, that said she was thirty, at least.)
she invited me outside to smoke a joint
it had been a while and i gladly accepted. she told me she was thirty-eight. she had lived abroad for a while, and was sort of in limbo. Somewhere between Ghana and me being high as hell, i grabbed this woman, thirteen years older than me, and we started making out. I loved the way she kissed me and after what felt like at least ten minutes, we pulled away from each other.
"You're the first person I've ever cheated on my husband with."
Shit.
she invited me outside to smoke a joint
it had been a while and i gladly accepted. she told me she was thirty-eight. she had lived abroad for a while, and was sort of in limbo. Somewhere between Ghana and me being high as hell, i grabbed this woman, thirteen years older than me, and we started making out. I loved the way she kissed me and after what felt like at least ten minutes, we pulled away from each other.
"You're the first person I've ever cheated on my husband with."
Shit.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
gonzo loves ancient creatures
the creative juices begin to flow. he's sleepy, in bed, but the mind never rests at this late hour. a friend once said "why do we exit suddenly, have our clearest thoughts when we're half asleep?"
i sit at my desk. a gazillion items strewn about. im usually more mindful of my desk. where i work, etc. but then again that depends.. a year ago this exact day, i was @ a jam space, chain smoking cigarettes and making music that i thought no one would ever hear.
stop.
i gotta say im not a huge fan of titling/labeling things.
or organization for that matter, by means of categorization of course.
although anyone who knows me, who sees a lot of me, knows how much i love to clean. ill admit that i like cleanliness, but its more so the activity of cleaning i adore. the mindless slumber of mundane labor. im a sucker for part time jobs. they let my busy mind shut down, if only for 8 hours. i build things for the same reason. or at least tend to find little to no satisfaction in the completion short-term tasks, being so fixated on the act of doing them. its the same with food... as much as i love to eat that sandwich, i hate to see it go.
but what am i speaking about? the greener grass on the other side of the proverbial fence? the cake that you have and eat as well? (which, for folk like myself who never got that saying, implies owning something of a limited quantity, enjoying it indefinitely, and never needing to part ways with it)
in the couple of days away from this page, from my blogging, bouncy baby, ive been studying the sexual habits of humanoids and rats and porcupines and generally species that begin with every letter but "x". my findings are technical, and largely focused on the psychological aspect of sexual development, desire and behavior.
ive also put together a couple of videos. considering the time, and the frequency of my yawns, and the sloppiness of my typing, here they are.
im gonna shut up now.
love you. gnight. =)
i sit at my desk. a gazillion items strewn about. im usually more mindful of my desk. where i work, etc. but then again that depends.. a year ago this exact day, i was @ a jam space, chain smoking cigarettes and making music that i thought no one would ever hear.
stop.
i gotta say im not a huge fan of titling/labeling things.
or organization for that matter, by means of categorization of course.
although anyone who knows me, who sees a lot of me, knows how much i love to clean. ill admit that i like cleanliness, but its more so the activity of cleaning i adore. the mindless slumber of mundane labor. im a sucker for part time jobs. they let my busy mind shut down, if only for 8 hours. i build things for the same reason. or at least tend to find little to no satisfaction in the completion short-term tasks, being so fixated on the act of doing them. its the same with food... as much as i love to eat that sandwich, i hate to see it go.
but what am i speaking about? the greener grass on the other side of the proverbial fence? the cake that you have and eat as well? (which, for folk like myself who never got that saying, implies owning something of a limited quantity, enjoying it indefinitely, and never needing to part ways with it)
in the couple of days away from this page, from my blogging, bouncy baby, ive been studying the sexual habits of humanoids and rats and porcupines and generally species that begin with every letter but "x". my findings are technical, and largely focused on the psychological aspect of sexual development, desire and behavior.
ive also put together a couple of videos. considering the time, and the frequency of my yawns, and the sloppiness of my typing, here they are.
im gonna shut up now.
love you. gnight. =)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Paratactical Measures
It was an extraordinary day, and then it became night.
Faster than anyone here could have imagined, and yet we weren't moving- The pictures were. Or was it the obituary section growing legs, dancing circles around our heads.
A waltz.. 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, and so on, the bars' sum as immeasurable as it is irrelevant. The crumpling of paper the only soundtrack.
So i packed my bags and left home. I headed in one direction for hours, alone in my thoughts, alone in my surroundings til it dawned on me.. everywhere is home, and I'm never alone. I felt selfish for attempting to lay claim to this vast expanse that was before me. Had i become so disconnected? I smiled at her as she walked past me, and she smiled back. Her eyes were beautiful. (connected, sad)
During the journey I thought about you... How long its been since I last saw you, and the circumstances under which we parted. I thought of the monster i must be in your eyes, pretty as you thought i was. Things left best unspoken, for your sake and mine alike. Two people whose paths intersected for a blink of the world's eye. You know who you are, I love you.
Never one to get caught up in the illusion that is The Westerners' Concept of "Love," she was lonely in her serenity. Tired of those around her slowing down their pace, in pursuit of.... she couldn't even comprehend. Relaxation, submission, failed ambition. These are things to run away from, she thought aloud as she walked on a wire between two skyscrapers. Her composure unmatched, her focus laser-fine. She looked at the clouds beneath her. Herds of them and no shepherd. Lazily floating, as though they were on a parade no one cared to see. She pitied them and their lack of direction.
"This one, not that one," said a cloud to another.
"You're wrong!" Cried the other. "It can only be one of these: This, that or which"
"Right!" chimed in another.
"Can we at least agree that this is that one, which belongs with those?"
"Sure," said the other cloud, comfortable in this common ground.
~And They All Lived Happily Ever After~
.....meanwhile, in la la land.......
Faster than anyone here could have imagined, and yet we weren't moving- The pictures were. Or was it the obituary section growing legs, dancing circles around our heads.
A waltz.. 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, and so on, the bars' sum as immeasurable as it is irrelevant. The crumpling of paper the only soundtrack.
So i packed my bags and left home. I headed in one direction for hours, alone in my thoughts, alone in my surroundings til it dawned on me.. everywhere is home, and I'm never alone. I felt selfish for attempting to lay claim to this vast expanse that was before me. Had i become so disconnected? I smiled at her as she walked past me, and she smiled back. Her eyes were beautiful. (connected, sad)
During the journey I thought about you... How long its been since I last saw you, and the circumstances under which we parted. I thought of the monster i must be in your eyes, pretty as you thought i was. Things left best unspoken, for your sake and mine alike. Two people whose paths intersected for a blink of the world's eye. You know who you are, I love you.
Never one to get caught up in the illusion that is The Westerners' Concept of "Love," she was lonely in her serenity. Tired of those around her slowing down their pace, in pursuit of.... she couldn't even comprehend. Relaxation, submission, failed ambition. These are things to run away from, she thought aloud as she walked on a wire between two skyscrapers. Her composure unmatched, her focus laser-fine. She looked at the clouds beneath her. Herds of them and no shepherd. Lazily floating, as though they were on a parade no one cared to see. She pitied them and their lack of direction.
"This one, not that one," said a cloud to another.
"You're wrong!" Cried the other. "It can only be one of these: This, that or which"
"Right!" chimed in another.
"Can we at least agree that this is that one, which belongs with those?"
"Sure," said the other cloud, comfortable in this common ground.
~And They All Lived Happily Ever After~
.....meanwhile, in la la land.......
Monday, January 18, 2010
back to school
its been a couple of days since i last wrote and i feel kinda funky fresh.
i started school again on friday! after a five year hiatus (during which i vowed never to go back, and maintained school wasn't "for me") im actually kind of excited about it! one semester from now i will have my diploma... and then, i guess, the world's my oyster.
working towards this tiny goal i feel a little less stress, less anxious in general about my present state.. i might look like fine, but ive been totally haywire lately. it could be a combination of my sleep schedule and excessive drinking, i mean im sure that doesn't help any, but slowly things seem to be falling into place.
i just finished watching Lars and the Real Girl and i suddenly don't feel so crazy lol.
i dont have much to say, im kind of eager to get back to this badass book ive been reading.. til next time, my good friend Tamar posted a video of me playing the ending of sultans of swing! check it out!!
i started school again on friday! after a five year hiatus (during which i vowed never to go back, and maintained school wasn't "for me") im actually kind of excited about it! one semester from now i will have my diploma... and then, i guess, the world's my oyster.
working towards this tiny goal i feel a little less stress, less anxious in general about my present state.. i might look like fine, but ive been totally haywire lately. it could be a combination of my sleep schedule and excessive drinking, i mean im sure that doesn't help any, but slowly things seem to be falling into place.
i just finished watching Lars and the Real Girl and i suddenly don't feel so crazy lol.
i dont have much to say, im kind of eager to get back to this badass book ive been reading.. til next time, my good friend Tamar posted a video of me playing the ending of sultans of swing! check it out!!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
plasma ball
so im sitting in my home studio/bedroom/tv room/everything room
if i were feeling a bit more energy, id take pictures of this place and upload em for you all to see.
but actually, im exhausted and unable to sleep. which is a frustrating place to be!
does anyone out there ever feel paralyzed by the abundance of options they face?
like there are so many things to do that you just dont do anything at all?
to avoid a page-long diatribe about something some might consider enviable, i have two options: a) reach deep into my gut for the last ounce of optimism i have left for today, or b)i say "fuck it" and go to sleep
.................
everyone around me, including myself, has had some sort of monumental/watershed moment in their life occur. The last two and a half years of my life were dedicated to Princess (my former band.) I loved it, it was time well spent. I learned so much about the business of music, about advertising, about working closely with people, friends over a long period of time..
i completely lost myself in it. and as my focus narrowed so did my potential. all i could see was this band. all i advocated, represented.
..and the work was rewarding! i enjoyed every show i played, all the fans we met, i belong in the club there's no doubt.
but this past november, the stars aligned just right and a freak accident @ work (and a general boredom with the place) prompted me to quit. The band also decided it was in our best interest to not hold on to the monthly jam space we had and rehearse in hourly rooms. on top of these things, we had no shows booked past the 6th (or maybe 7th, who knows anymore..)
the bottom line was, for the first time in over two and a half years, i stopped. i relaxed. as lame as it sounds, i rediscovered myself. and in the pursuit of being a bit more selfish (not in the "My cookie!" way, but in the healthier realist way) i quit the band.
Dont get me wrong, im a dreamer til i die. But right about now, i could totally use something real to latch myself to. at least til i get my shit together.
im a bottle of rum away from making music that sounds like this....
lol
for those who dont know, NIN is the only music i have consistently adored for as long as i can remember.
This is off their(his) first record, release '89. light years ahead of its time....
thanks for humoring me this sleepless night
btw, those youtube vids are coming SOON!!!! request something. if not im going with the meat puppets. or jimi. either way, im singin the blues baby!
love you
*muah
if i were feeling a bit more energy, id take pictures of this place and upload em for you all to see.
but actually, im exhausted and unable to sleep. which is a frustrating place to be!
does anyone out there ever feel paralyzed by the abundance of options they face?
like there are so many things to do that you just dont do anything at all?
to avoid a page-long diatribe about something some might consider enviable, i have two options: a) reach deep into my gut for the last ounce of optimism i have left for today, or b)i say "fuck it" and go to sleep
.................
everyone around me, including myself, has had some sort of monumental/watershed moment in their life occur. The last two and a half years of my life were dedicated to Princess (my former band.) I loved it, it was time well spent. I learned so much about the business of music, about advertising, about working closely with people, friends over a long period of time..
i completely lost myself in it. and as my focus narrowed so did my potential. all i could see was this band. all i advocated, represented.
..and the work was rewarding! i enjoyed every show i played, all the fans we met, i belong in the club there's no doubt.
but this past november, the stars aligned just right and a freak accident @ work (and a general boredom with the place) prompted me to quit. The band also decided it was in our best interest to not hold on to the monthly jam space we had and rehearse in hourly rooms. on top of these things, we had no shows booked past the 6th (or maybe 7th, who knows anymore..)
the bottom line was, for the first time in over two and a half years, i stopped. i relaxed. as lame as it sounds, i rediscovered myself. and in the pursuit of being a bit more selfish (not in the "My cookie!" way, but in the healthier realist way) i quit the band.
Dont get me wrong, im a dreamer til i die. But right about now, i could totally use something real to latch myself to. at least til i get my shit together.
im a bottle of rum away from making music that sounds like this....
lol
for those who dont know, NIN is the only music i have consistently adored for as long as i can remember.
This is off their(his) first record, release '89. light years ahead of its time....
thanks for humoring me this sleepless night
btw, those youtube vids are coming SOON!!!! request something. if not im going with the meat puppets. or jimi. either way, im singin the blues baby!
love you
*muah
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Metallica Tuesdays?
i went to The Rehearsal Factory tonight to jam with an old friend.. Dont think ive ever been there before. Maybe the only rehearsal space in this city i've never been. anyway, some friends joined and we drank and jammed our hearts out!
i mean, its pretty far outta the way, at least for me, and unless i go with the same people i just did, ill never go back.
the facility is amazing though . its huge, and riddled with rooms. im pretty sure each one was full. The rooms even have their own themes! We were in Hell's Pit lol
Once you open the door, this is what you see...
mind you theres a pink floyd room. and a bob marley room. between the mural and the lighting, the mood was perfect for the oldskool punk n metal we were playing
....on a sad note thought, the bridge humbucker on my guitar stopped working! (for anyone who knows what im talking about, i love you.)
its funny how i never forget metallica songs.. i think we played at least excerpts from everything on their first four records! i love them all, but being a die hard fan of fast guitar solos, kill em all has always been my fav
pardon hetfield's prepubescent voice, and enjoy the insane guitar work!
thats all for today. im kinda sick and hooked on a stupid video game. (human after all)
we'll chat tomorrow
i mean, its pretty far outta the way, at least for me, and unless i go with the same people i just did, ill never go back.
the facility is amazing though . its huge, and riddled with rooms. im pretty sure each one was full. The rooms even have their own themes! We were in Hell's Pit lol
Once you open the door, this is what you see...
mind you theres a pink floyd room. and a bob marley room. between the mural and the lighting, the mood was perfect for the oldskool punk n metal we were playing
....on a sad note thought, the bridge humbucker on my guitar stopped working! (for anyone who knows what im talking about, i love you.)
its funny how i never forget metallica songs.. i think we played at least excerpts from everything on their first four records! i love them all, but being a die hard fan of fast guitar solos, kill em all has always been my fav
pardon hetfield's prepubescent voice, and enjoy the insane guitar work!
thats all for today. im kinda sick and hooked on a stupid video game. (human after all)
we'll chat tomorrow
Monday, January 11, 2010
Princess and Beyond...
Hi my peoples!!
My names Haig Ashod and I'm a guitarist,singer,pianist and producer
I've started a blog and I'm totally psyched to have you all indulge my musings, be it about music, life, WHATEVER-
I recently left the band with whom i shared most of my musical career, Princess (www.myspace.com/princessbandca). Though my direction as of late (or any tangible goals for that matter) have been vague at best, I knew stepping out of the shoes I'd been wearing for the better part of five years was the first good step to take. That being said, it was the most fun I've ever had..
These two tracks are my final work with Princess.
You Call It
+
Bam Bam
In an effort to reach out to all those who have been following me and my music online, i thought it would be cool to make a video a day either covering songs or originals, whatever the flavor of the week is! So check out my youtube channel here and dont be shy, make requests!
=)
Ttyl!
My names Haig Ashod and I'm a guitarist,singer,pianist and producer
I've started a blog and I'm totally psyched to have you all indulge my musings, be it about music, life, WHATEVER-
I recently left the band with whom i shared most of my musical career, Princess (www.myspace.com/princessbandca). Though my direction as of late (or any tangible goals for that matter) have been vague at best, I knew stepping out of the shoes I'd been wearing for the better part of five years was the first good step to take. That being said, it was the most fun I've ever had..
These two tracks are my final work with Princess.
You Call It
+
Bam Bam
In an effort to reach out to all those who have been following me and my music online, i thought it would be cool to make a video a day either covering songs or originals, whatever the flavor of the week is! So check out my youtube channel here and dont be shy, make requests!
=)
Ttyl!
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